September 1st, 1989
Dear Diary: I believe I'm a good person
Ya know, I think there's good in everyone, but here we are first day of senior year
I look around at these kids I've known all my life and
I ask myself: What happened?

Freak! Slut! Burnout! Bug-Eyes! Poser! Lard Ass!

We were so tiny, happy and shiny, playing tag and getting chased

Freak! Slut! Loser! Shortbus!

Singing and clapping
Laughing and napping
Baking cookies, eating paste

Bull-dyke! Stuck-up! Hunchback!

Then we got bigger
That was the trigger
Like the Huns invading Rome

Sorry!

Welcome to my school
This ain't no high school
This is the Thunderdome
Hold your breath
And count the days
We're graduating soon

White trash

College will be paradise
If I'm not dead by June!
But I know, I know, life can be beautiful
I pray, I pray for a better way
If we changed back then
We could change again
We can be beautiful

Ow!

Just not today
(Hey, are you okay?)

Get away, nerd

Freak! Slut! Cripple! Homo! Homo! Homo!

Things will get better
Soon as my letter
Comes from Harvard, Duke, or Brown
Awake from this coma
Take my diploma
Then I can blow this town
Dream of ivy-covered walls
And smoky French cafes

Watch it!

Fight the urge to strike a match and send this dump ablaze!

Ooops

Ram Sweeney, third year as linebacker
And eighth year of smacking lunch trays and being a huge dick!

What did you say to me skank?

Aaah, nothing!

But I know, I know, I know
Life can be beautiful
I pray, I pray
For a better way
We were kind before
We can be kind once more
We can be beautiful

Ah! Hey Martha

Hey

Martha Dumpstock
My best friend since diapers

Are we on for movie night?

Yeah, you're on Jiffy Pop detail

I rented The Princess Bride

Wohoho, again? Wait, don't you have it memorized by now?

What can I say? I'm a sucker for a happy ending

Martha Dumptruck! Wide load!

Kurt Kelly, quarterback, he is the smartest guy on the football team
Which is kind of like being the tallest dwarf
Hey! Pick that up right now!

I'm sorry, are you actually talking to me?

Yes, I am, I wanna know what gives you the right to pick on my friend?
You're a high school has-been waiting to happen, a future gas station attendant

You got a zit right there

Dear Diary
Why

Why do they hate me?
Why don't I fight back?
Why do I act like such a creep?

Why

Why won't he date me?
Why did I hit him?
Why do I cry myself to sleep?

Why

Students
Somebody hug me!
Somebody fix me!
Somebody save me!
Send me a sign, God!
Give me some cold beer!
Something to live for!

Ah! Heather, Heather, and Heather!

And then there's the Heathers, they float above it all

I love Heather, Heather, and Heather

Heather McNamara, head cheerleader, her dad is loaded, he sells engagement rings

I hate Heather, Heather, and Heather!

Heather Duke, runs the yearbook, no discernible personality
But her mom did pay for implants

I want Heather, Heather, and Heather!

And Heather Chandler, the almighty
She is a mythic bitch
They are solid Teflon
Never bothered, never harassed
I would give anything to be like that

I'd like to be their boyfriend

That would be beautiful

If I sat at their table, guys would notice me

So beautiful

I'd like them to be nicer

That would be beautiful

I'd like to kidnap a Heather and photograph her naked in an abandoned warehouse
And leave her tied up for the rats!

Grow up, Heather, bulimia is so '87

Maybe you should see a doctor, Heather

Yeah, Heather, maybe I should

Ah, Heather and Heather and Heather
Perhaps you didn't hear the bell over all the vomiting
You're late for class

Heather wasn't feeling well, we're helping her

Not without a hall pass you're not. Week's detention

Actually, Miss Fleming, all four of us are out on a hall pass
Yearbook committee

I see you're all listed
Hurry up and get where you're going

This is an excellent forgery
Who are you?

Veronica Sawyer
I crave a boon

What boon?

Hm, let me sit at your table at lunch
Just once
No talking necessary
If people think you guys tolerate me, they'll leave me alone
Before you answer, I also do report cards, permission slips and absence notes

How about prescriptions?

Shut up, Heather

Sorry, Heather

For a greasy little nobody, you do have good bone structure

And a symmetrical face
If I took a meat cleaver down the center of your skull I'd have matching halves
That's very important

Of course, you could stand to lose a few pounds

And you know, you know, you know?
This could be beautiful
Mascara, maybe some lip gloss
And we're on our way
Get this girl some blush
And Heather, I need your brush
Let's make her beautiful

Let's make her beautiful

Let's make her beautiful

Make her beautiful
Okay?

Okay!

Out of my way geek!

I don't want trouble

You're gonna die at 3PM!

Don't you dare touch me! Get away, pervert!

What'd I ever do to them?

Who could survive this?
I can't escape this!
I think I'm dying!

Who's that with Heather?

Whoa. Heather, Heather, Heather

And someone!

Heather, Heather, Heather

And a babe!

Heather, Heather, Heather

Veronica?!

Veronica, Veronica, Veronica

And you know
You know, you know
Life can be beautiful
You hope, you dream, you pray
And you get your way!
Ask me how it feels
Looking like hell on wheels
My God, it's beautiful!
I might be beautiful
And when you're beautiful
It's a beautiful frickin' day!

Heather! Heather! Heather! Veronica!
Heather! Heather! Heather! Veronica! Veronica! Veronica! Veronica!